I came across Tisha through Instagram. I love what she shares and the meaning behind her Instagram handle, @havepace_, learn about it here. Tish shares her experience of living with Lupus and how she tries to let it better her instead of leaving her bitter.
Tisha didn’t grow up in Southern Utah but she considers it her home. She falls more and more in love with it the longer 9 years and now gets to be a full-time stay at home mom. There is nothing she loves more than a clean house with a yummy candle burning. She’s obsessed with podcasts and positive parenting books. She’s passionate about connecting with new people, living with purpose, and taking naps.
Shortly after having my sweet baby boy I became very sick, something I can only describe as the worst flu you could possibly imagine and then times that by 10. I became fatigued beyond measure, weak, achy and in a constant whirlwind of hot flashes and feverish chills. My lymph system was out of control and all of my joints were constantly in pain. I remember waking up one night in a complete panic because I was literally unable to get myself out of bed. I called my husband who was working night shifts out of town in the ICU at the time and begged him to come home.
This would result in the first of many ER visits and unanswered questions.
Finally after weeks of Dr. appointments, scans and blood work I was diagnosed with Lupus just before my 26th birthday. I remember the call from my Dr. so well and the relief and gratitude that came over me when he said it was Lupus. I know it seems strange to feel grateful when given a diagnosis like that. But I finally felt like we had something we could work with and something much less scary than the other things being looked into.
When I look back on those months what I remember most is the time that was spent on my knees praying. I would get these surges of overwhelming terrifying emotion where I felt like my world was just going to collapse. It was in those moments that I would pray right that second for the peace and comfort that I so desperately needed. For weeks I felt so alone in this trial and felt like my Heavenly was so unaware of me. Until one day I was sitting on my bed with my two children silently thanking God for them when clear as day this voice came to me and said, “Peace be unto you, my child, everything is going to be okay.” I’m so grateful for this tender mercy and gift that this message has been to me. This experience has carried me through the bulk of this trial. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with emotions of the unknown, remembering this moment always brings me so much peace.
This trial has been difficult in so many various ways. One of them being that I have always been a fiercely independent person, perfectly capable of handling hard things on my own. So becoming this person that was dependent on the help of my loved ones was something that was very difficult for me to accept. There was a time at the beginning of my diagnosis that I could barely hold my 9-pound baby. Accepting the help of my incredibly loving mother-in-law to take care of my new baby was such a humbling experience for me.
I have not always handled this trial with grace and perfection, there are still times that I’m angry and frustrated about things such as not being able to have any more babies. But I know that when I put my faith in my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father I’m able to have pace and move forward. I’m determined to let this trial make me better not bitter.